Easters 1984

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Cavalier Daily

Cavalier Daily

1954-05-14

Cavalier Daily

Easters 1984
Bored with reading histories of Easters and other dance weekends, we tried to imagine bow the University will look in thirty years, 1984. Here is what we believe may have happened, what "Daily Administration" will report of the situation.
We find the University greatly changed in thirty years, one tradition has replaced another until only buildings of the "Darden Era" and traditions remain.
Much progress has been made in the Anti-sex League, but a long and arduous debate of the Patrick Henry Literary Society finally resolved the conservative majority to allow girls at Easters this year.
Because of the rapid pace of mechanization, girls have lost much of their importance. The prophecy of a generation ago that everything would be done by machines has been fulfilled.
This year marks the beginning of a new era in University history. With the installation of two-way television in all rooms on the grounds, the cut system has been virtually abandoned. It is now possible to lie a-bed mornings and see all that occurs in classes. The two-way television system was opposed by fraternity men in their houses for obvious reasons. Therefore the cut system still applies to them. For the first time since the inception of the "Darden Era" forty years ago, fraternity men will attend Saturday morning classes.
Easters this year promises to be merely the second occasion of the season. It was surpassed by the Fletcher Funeral, which attracted students long thought dead back to the University and as always, those cadging free drinks.
The Funeral proceeded without incident until one intoxicated fifth-year man threw a journalist from Richmond, called Debney, into the-grave, and stood there upon the latter's chest screaming, "Sic Semper Tyrannis.” After the Student Council, dressed in the now familiar brown shirts, had carried the student off, Mr. Dabney rose to his feet to deliver the Eulogy. There followed forty days and forty nights of partying, making all subsequent Easters seem small potatoes indeed.
We are not printing date lists this year because they have been used of late by the MVD to procure women “of the trade” for foreign service, and in the interest of better business, to keep local talent local, we are not making public the names of dates attending Easters 1984.